Driving, Crack Whores and Oh Yeah! Joe Dirt!!


So I have your attention now because of my title don’t I. Funny how even though this is a personal journal you, the people reading it is a big part of it. Anyhow, if you want to hear about Crack whores (or crck hoes in Ebonics) and Joe Dirt (the great American hero) than you are going to have to read this jibberish in its entirety because it all goes together.

When I last wrote it was to report that I had been laid off from NORTEL Networks, actually my last day at Nortel is February 28, 2002. Since my layoff much has been happening. We as a family have decided to move to San Diego to make a new start in life. When I say family I mean Janet, the kids and I. It’s not an easy thing to do honestly. Its bad enough losing your job and enter in to the quest for a new one with un employment at 7%. It’s scary out there people, but now add the fact of pulling up deep grown roots in the Bay Area and moving in to a location, San Diego County, you know little about!

So here we are Jess, Rich and I in Motel 6 (well leave the light on for you and the crack whores outside) in Chula Vista, San Diego County California. It’s the morning of the second day the kids are asleep, Richey sometimes taking in his sleep and Jess with the occasional snort-snore as she was up-all-night chatting on our portable PC. Lucky Motel 6 has FREE local phone calls.

We arrived in Imperial Beach (San Diego) around 11am yesterday and proceeded to an appointment we had to look at a 4-bedroom house. Okay so we found the house. Let me tell you being Filipino can really make you look at things from a whole other light. Do you know what the first thing I took notice of when we drove up tot the house? The banana tree not the fact that the house had that “well used, well lived in” and the “oh my god the next door neighbors collect old cars and junk” or the fact that I could hear a voice harp going boing boing boing in my head. NO I NOTICE THE BANANA TREE. It my friends, even had two bunches of them hanging from them. I could hear my Lolo’s voice in my head say “Oh… Billy… looks der?, huh, a bo nana trees, in dee pront yards….. is too cloths to dee howes, yah..is touching it. You know Billy.. when I was a small booy in dee Philippines………”

Okay Okay enough… So this house, if it was walled or gated or both could pass for a house back home. you can’t get much more local than this. I would LOVE this house if the rooms were not so small. The backyard (dee bac yard) is HUGH! and the owner a wonderful old ex-navy captain. The agent showing the house was wonderful old Filipino man who I felt so comfortable with, he too was ex-navy (ex nay bee). The house is old, run down, close to schools, in what seems to be a nice neighborhood and seems over priced at 1600.00 US per month but honestly I like this house I feel at home in it and so right now its my 3rd choice and only 3rd because of the price. The other houses we have only been able to see the outsides of so we will have to wait until Monday before I can see their interiors. Location to schools, which to me is most important limited my choices down to 3 houses really and 2 that I will consider if I can’t get one of those 3 first choices.

After looking at the first house we drove to Chula Vista to Motel 6 to check in, I reserved our room at Motel 6 the day prior to leaving over the net. Yeah, I know I didn’t know you could reserve rooms at Motel 6 either, let alone reserve them over the net. I guess Tom Bodett not only left the lights on but made changes to their policy. I remember when Motel 6 was first come, first serve.

Anyhow we pulled up to Motel 6 and all I could say was “oh my god.” Have you ever walked in to a room, like the kitchen of a house, flipped the light on and seen roaches scurry off in to the dark corners of the room? Well that’s how I felt when we drove up to this Motel 6, it seeming like I drove in to the twilight zone. I might be because this Motel 6 was right in back of a Mc Donald’s, it might be because there was a import car driving around the parking lots with guys dressed like crypts or bloods or it could have been the guys standing out by the trash can who looked to be selling drugs. What ever it was it was, it was not something I expected. The first reaction was to turn the van around and find a new place to stay but I made my reservations over the net and would have to pay anyhow if I changed my mind.

After a second look at the Motel 6 without the distraction of the rift raft around, it looked well kept and clean, although I have to admit I almost expected to see beer cans and a guy with full frontal gold teeth in an inner tube floating around listening to Killa Dog Rap music in the pool. But nope, the pool was really nice and the area clean too.

I walked in to the office and that’s where I saw him, YES you wont believe me but there… in full life and in person… was the one.. the only…. the men of men… the god of all that is mullet in the world… yes his holiness… JOE DIRT! For those of you who have no idea who Joe Dirt is here is a link http://www.joedirt.com/ . I couldn’t believe my eyes Joe Dirt, hahahaha freeking Joe Dirt… I didn’t know these people really existed and that people really cut their hair like that.

But that’s not the whole of it friends, right behind Joe Dirt and in the same line waiting to get to the counter as me, was a Crack whore and partner and yes he did have the full frontal gold teeth I had imagined the pool guy would have had. Now these 3 people, Joe, the crack hoe and her partner all seem to connect; it went something like this.
Joe was waiting be hind the guy at the counter, the one that later would be identified as the “serial killer”, behind Joe was the crak hoe and partner, behind them of course me your local Filipino guy stunned and still in amazement over Joe Dirt.

Crck hoes partner: Check it out, du gots him sum bead (he point to a few strand of Joes hair)

Crack hoe: yeah he do..
Crck hoes partner: hey, hey (tapping on joes shoulder)
Joe Dirt: yeah?
Crck hoes partner: kin we’s looks at yo beads in yo hair?
Joe Dirt: yeah (a man of meny words)
Crck hoes partner holding Joe’s beaded hair and crak hoe mumbling in coherently.

The “Serial Killer” walks out upset, something about not having ID to check in to the room, so he has to go get his wife’s id or something.

Joe Dirt steps forward to the counter but the Crck hoes partner is still holding Joes beaded hair in his hand so Joe’s head bends back as he steps forward.

Joe Dirt: Yoew
Joe Dirt: says to the Crck hoes partner, “it’s my turn at the counter “
Crck hoes partner and crak hoe: say nothing and let go of his hair

That was the exchange of the three colorful people. Now you might be wondering about “serial killer” well he was an odd looking fellow who had a natural lean to one side and he was quite upset that Motel 6 wanted his ID, he seem to be disturbed by this policy, I thought it was odd and I guess so did the bride of Frankenstein who worked behind the counter so as he left, upset the crack whore stepped to the counted and something like that guy was really strange and questioned why he didn’t have ID of his own. The lady behind the counter “bride of Frankenstein” say I don’t know maybe he’s a serial killer, so that how he got his name.

Now I bet you wonder why I called the lady behind the counter “Bride of Frankenstein” Well, have you seen the movie “Bride of Frankenstein?” the lady behind the counter look almost the same as the Frankenstein’s Bride. She was a bit older, umm maybe 30 years older but the caked on make-up, drawn on brown eyebrows and most importantly the puff up hair that was one and one half the height of her head. This is not to say she wasn’t nice she was really nice just looked like bride of Frankenstein.

I stopped writing and went to Mc Donald’s to buy some coffee while at Mc Donald’s I saw this Mexican guys sitting down eating. He looked out of place he was perspiring allot and taking bites of his food and just swallowing it as though he hadn’t eating in day. I was wearing a good Jewish Star of David medallion around his neck. Why would a Mexican ware a Star of David? Hmmm I tend to wonder allot.

Well by for now.. More tomorrow…

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