I’m going through a tuff time right now. Not having a job to support my family, the imminent mortgage payment coming and all the other problems of being jobless is rapidly brining me to my knees. I’m tiring to sell my personal items on eBay just so I can at the least provide Christmas for the kids and have enough money to go north for the holidays. Right now I hate Christmas, getting hired during this time of year is almost nil. To say the least I have not been sleeping well at all, I wake in the early morning often, just 1 hour after I have gone to bed. I went to bed to begin with late just so I was tired enough so my brain would shutdown and I would not think.
I wake looking at the amber digits of our clock radio to my right on the nightstand and then turn away again and listen to the sleeping house wishing I too could sleep. Like the clock tower of the “It’s a Small World Ride” at Disneyland I turn and look at the clock radios lit amber digits almost to the hour… 2:00AM… 3:05AM… 4:12AM… My brain working like a 17th century mule drawn grain mill, going in ever constant circles.
I don’t wake in the morning; I simply open my eyes and watch my wife get ready for work. I’m exhausted from trying to sleep. My wife will leave at 7:00AM and I will drag myself from the bed at about 7:30AM get dressed and walkout to the kitchen. Today, I thought I would have no coffee to drink as I finished what instant coffee I had left yesterday. I won’t buy coffee or beer anymore because I feel guilty having such luxuries when soon I will not be able to give anything to my family.
I open the pantry to locate the now 6 month old green tea I bought sometime ago and there sitting on the shelf was a brand new, unopened jar of Nescafe Instant Coffee. I love my wife for all the little things she does for me…….