Runners Nipples – “Oh, the humanity!”


It takes allot to embarrass me, I’m well known for my less than main stream sense of  humor and my over the top antics that would make my mother blush. But for some reason sore nipples on my man boobs is a conversation that I would normally avoid and even thinking about discussing, make my ears warm. But we are all friends right?, at least virtual friends if nothing more; can I come clean?

I’m nippily right now, my nipples are sore and irritated taking a shower this morning felt as though a thousand red ants had climbed upon my voluptuous man boobs and were feasting on the soft tissue of my nipples. Whoever said “Pain is weakness leaving the body” (thank you Seth and the US Marine Corps) has never had runners’ nipples. I guess it was a mistake to have worn a cotton t-shirt for my 7 mile run yesterday; my uneducated and without scientific analysis is that a combination of the motions without lotions of my nipples against the cotton t-shirt, heavy vast amounts of salt laden perspiration produced a sandpaper effect causing chaffing to the point of pain. Who would have known! Why couldn’t it just result in the polishing of my boobies giving them a youthful glow?

This never happened when I wore my US ARMY Physical Fitness Uniform (PFU) or Improved Physical Fitness Uniform (IPFU) shirts, I have to get motivated to silkscreen VETERAN on them so I can use them again.

Luckily I found the Coco butter my wife uses on her skin. As I took two fingers and gently rubbed the coco butter onto my tender nipples, I bit down in a Marlin Monroe sort of way on my lower lips to keep from moaning, I thought thank goodness nobody is here to see this. It was then, I turned to notice that the window shades were open and I was in full view of my neighbors…..

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2 Responses to Runners Nipples – “Oh, the humanity!”

  1. runrodrun says:

    I had chafing on my inner thighs in a race last year. Blood flowed and was caught in my race pics. I looked like I was menstruating through the race!!!

  2. usabaker says:

    Bwahahahaha… I think the only time I’ve chaffed my inner thigh was from house back riding. Not even in the military. I see you are in Toronto; I love that city use to visit allot when I worked to Northern Telecom aka NORTEL Networks.

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