I’ve touched on this a little in some of my posts but have never really come out and told you. I suffer from severe anxiety and mild PTSD both feed on each other. As I’ve aged it seems to have gotten worse. If you met me you wouldn’t know it as I’ve for the most part trained myself to mask it from all except the people closest people. The doctors at urgent care once knew me by first name because I was in nearly every month sometimes twice. I refuse to take medication.
The only thing that has helped me cope with it I found totally by mistake, running. When I started running I started to notice that I not only was much happier, I was not visiting the doctor as much as a matter of fact last year was a hallmark. I think I was only in urgent care three times for anxiety.
You see if I keep on a regular schedule of at least 2 or 3 runs a week it seems to keep my anxiety in check. The PTSD has always been sort of bearable and controllable unless I’m pulled over the edge. ‘Front Toward Enemy’ When I do go there which thank GOD is almost never, I hate myself afterwords.
Yesterday was a hard day I was/am in taper for my run on Saturday; all day at work I was anxious, irritable and couldn’t concentrate; I had the urge to go to the doctors. It got so bad I took off at lunch and drove over to Ross and bought running shorts, shirt and underwear then next door to Dicks Sporting Goods to buy running socks. $60.00 later I was back at work. My intention was to run on the treadmill at 3PM, its been raining here. But as things would go I couldn’t get to the gym until 5:30pm when there I was told the gym was closing. So with $60.00 wasted went back to my desk, finish out my work day and went home. I changed in to my old running cloths and headed out and was lucky to catch a break in the rain and ran in the drizzle.
Only did 3.23 miles with good hills and felt so much better; I’m okay today. Running is my drug and helps keep me; me. I’m so thankful I have it and so scared of the day when I can’t run.
Tomorrow is my Half-Marathon at Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton, California. The race is going to be tougher than planed as its been raining here, and I expect it to rain during the race SO THERE WILL BE MUD.. lots and lots of mud running up the hills is going to be hell.
PS: Today is my Dad’s birthday he would have been 84, he’s been gone 3 years. It will hit me later tonight i’m sure. I’ll run for him tomorrow.. OohRah Dad, I miss you.